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Posted by dawnbixtler on 2006-05-23 22:57:53 +0000

3 days is industry standard.

Posted by tgl on 2006-05-24 03:23:27 +0000

Guys like eager. If he isn't interested in seeing you, it won't matter whether you call him or not. If he is interested in seeing you, another phone call won't turn him off.

Posted by MF DU on 2006-05-24 03:48:11 +0000

3 weeks and 6 hours give or take... How about 3 months and you call the person back, let em know you are cleaning out yr wallet.. seriously, if its good fuck all the rules and do what feels right...

Posted by buzzorhowl on 2006-05-24 05:56:46 +0000

Fuck a bunch of games -- call him whenever you're ready.

Posted by G lib on 2006-05-24 12:30:21 +0000

Wait until he calls you. DEF-IN-ITE-LY. You don't want to get into the habit of making all the effort. He needs to call and figure out something for the two of you to do together. If he doesn't call, he's a dufus.

Posted by tgl on 2006-05-24 12:57:50 +0000

This is why all men are dufuses. Let's see we have three male votes for phoning, and one female vote for staying home and doing your hair. ;)

Posted by tendiamonds on 2006-05-24 13:14:50 +0000

4 doofuses for calling. G Lib, when was the last time you dated?

Posted by G lib on 2006-05-24 13:42:04 +0000

Where's Pamsterdam and Honar? Back me up here!

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 14:49:07 +0000

Sorry G Lib, looks like the guys have it. Of course, I waited until around 9pm last night to call and see if he wanted to go to his fave coffee house, which he'd asked me three times on our first date if I'd been there...each time I responded with, no, and I don't drink coffee...by the last time I just started laughing. I got voicemail, and I haven't heard back. Then again, he could've been at the Country Music Awards. I have no idea. In honor of getting out there again, and that it's going to be in the upper 80s today, I wore a very cute skirt. Thank you for all the votes, of confidence!

Posted by tgl on 2006-05-24 14:51:16 +0000

WHOA: I never advised admitting to a _country_music_recording_engineer_ that you don't drink coffee.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 14:54:41 +0000

He'd find out eventually...might as well be on the first date.

Posted by Honar the librarian on 2006-05-24 18:47:25 +0000

Sorry GLib, not with you on this one--twice proactive does not a habit make. However, I think Buzzorhowl is the only one of the people giving advice who has dated in at least two years (not counting me), so you're not exactly hitting up a fountain of current dating knowldge from your 6 person data set, Mir.

Posted by buzzorhowl on 2006-05-24 18:56:22 +0000

And, honestly, my revolving door policy might not be the best data to take to heart.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 19:01:32 +0000

Yeah, but of the six, many are married, or getting there soon. Doesn't change the fact that I still haven't heard from him. Trying to be cool about it. Will have to be when he actually does call.

Posted by buzzorhowl on 2006-05-24 19:06:51 +0000

You can reasonably expect a wait of 2-3 days before he calls back -- the game, in full effect. Be patient.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 19:23:01 +0000

2-3 days from my message last night, or from our last date?

Posted by buzzorhowl on 2006-05-24 19:28:37 +0000

From your message.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 19:41:11 +0000

That blows! I might have to put on some emo and cry now!

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-05-24 20:57:14 +0000

Sorry to be so late on this - I was at home in NH, on Mum-duty. I agree 5000% with tgl: "If he isn't interested in seeing you, it won't matter whether you call him or not. If he is interested in seeing you, another phone call won't turn him off." Sorry not to have your back, G - I do agree that once Mr. Fella gets beyond 3 dates, he should be given some guidelines/encouragement regarding also doing some of the calling, etc., but I don't think it's fair to test him, especially as he might just be busy or anxiety-ridden.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 21:04:30 +0000

So good to hear a married lady's point of view! How's you mom, by the way? Sending love you you and her and all your fam.

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-05-24 21:14:29 +0000

Mum is not in pain, and is taking each day as it comes. The cancer is progressing, and we're seeing the results of that, but as long as she isn't in pain and can find enjoyment in each day... well, that's all I can ask for, really. Thanks for asking, sweetheart. x

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-24 21:27:24 +0000

Glad she's not in pain, but it must be hard to see her so sick.

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-05-24 21:34:07 +0000

She's still able to get around the house with her walker, and she still has her sense of humor - I think it'll get a lot harder, unfortunately, as time goes on. But - yes, it's hard. Our role-reversal and her increasing anxiety are the two hardest parts. Well, that and thinking that I've missed my chance to make her a granny. Stupid lack of a ticking biological clock! Maybe mine's digital...

Posted by G lib on 2006-05-24 22:09:01 +0000

True, true. TGL and Pamsterdam have the right idea. And I haven't dated in oh, I don't know, too long to remember. So I have no recent experience to base my advice in.

Posted by G lib on 2006-05-24 22:09:27 +0000

Pamalamadingdong, my thoughts are with you-- let us know if we can do anything.

Posted by Honar the librarian on 2006-05-25 02:49:24 +0000

Yes, please do, Pamsterdam. Anything at all.

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-05-25 07:04:30 +0000

Big hugs all 'round. :-) I have a feeling that later in the summer I'm gonna need to get very, very drunk. And I feel pretty confident that y'all will help me. For now - send good thoughts, eh?

Posted by Honar the librarian on 2006-05-25 10:03:13 +0000

Done and done.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-25 14:43:25 +0000

Well, he called me last night around 6pm...when he thought I'd be done with work, which I was. Unfortunately, he miscalculated availabilities for our next date. Each of us had separate plans last night, and I'm working tomorrow night, and he's going to Atlanta to visit his fam for the weekend. Said he'd call later last night or today. He didn't call last night, so we'll see how on top of his game this guy really is.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-05-30 20:58:35 +0000

Okay. He called Wed night, and since we were both busy, he said he'd call later that night, or Thursday. I hadn't heard from him, and so I called with the faucet replacement excitement on Sunday afternoon. He seemed happy to hear from me, and was meaning to call that night. He's in Atlanta until the 9th, so guess I'll either have to hold my breath or just focus on things like painting the rest of my house or creative microwave cooking while I'm waiting for the gasline to be installed so I can connect my range and cook real meals. This hurry up and wait thing is hard on the nerves.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-01 19:24:01 +0000

So, haven't heard from him since I called on Sunday re: the faucet. He said he'd call before he comes back to town (by June 9), but does that mean I can't email? Can I do a teaser to see if he's working on the mix cd he promised?

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-02 18:19:54 +0000

nuh hunh. Sorry, M.

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-06-02 18:47:52 +0000

Mmm... I hate to be a pisser-on-parades, but I think he needs to be a big boy and call you. Sorry, sweetie. xxx

Posted by Honar the librarian on 2006-06-02 18:57:16 +0000

he's out of town and it's only June 2. enjoy the anticipation.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-03 23:29:44 +0000

Okay, ladies. I'm with you. I'll stick it out. Babysitting for my niece and nephew overnight tonight. They just had a jacuzzi bubble bath together, which was hilarious. I have plenty to occupy my brain, other than the guy. Besides, some dj from Atlanta just IMed me on JDate. There's other hope out there.

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-06-05 09:01:39 +0000

Ooooh, I know a DJ in Atlanta, through my friend Amy. If he's obsessed with Euro-dance music, then I know & vouch for him. x

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-05 17:56:20 +0000

Is his name Matt, and is he 29 and Sephardic?

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-07 20:40:02 +0000

I broke down and emailed him with an invite to see "Walk the Line" in Centennial Park tonight, but he really is coming back on the 9th. Wrote a very nice email back, though.

Posted by Honar the librarian on 2006-06-08 12:09:27 +0000

Mir, I find this latest development really quite disturbing. First of all, "but he really is coming back on the 9th" suggests that you believe he lied to you about his schedule--and if you actually think he's lying to you, why do you still want to go out with him? And if you emailed because you thought he was lying in one of those wierd, paranoid moments that have been known to happen at the beginnings of a new venture, and you stil emailed him, then you allowed the crazy out, and it's generally preferable to keep that to ourselves until the relationship is better established (say, the 4th or 5th date;). Now, I understand that there is an element of chance in the dating game, and that sometimes people really are freak shows (as you and I can both attest, and I mean the people we've dated, not us, although the argument could be made...), but it seems to me that dating, or really any friendship, is about taking that chance because the percieved returns are greater. Now, I have been known to have the wierd anxious, paranoid thoughts about other people's motivations, but that doesn't mean that I have to act on them. I have to be sappy about this for a minute, my apologies, but the returns are definitely worth the risk--my life has been absolutely enriched by being open to the Q kids, and the Q kids reciprocal openess (and see, you didn't all turn out to be some strange vegetarian cult). Second, if you don't believe that he's lying to you, and you emailed him just because you wanted to have contact with him before the 9th, and you couch it in terms of 'having forgotten' that he was away (implicit, it would seem, in your inviting him to do something he's said that he is unavailable for), then you are lying to him. Either way, it doesn't seem healthy.

Posted by tgl on 2006-06-08 12:15:20 +0000

I was going to comment with the following phrase quoted as well: "but he really is coming back on the 9th" Honar nails it.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-08 12:54:24 +0000

Perspective. I believed that he was in Atlanta, but he'd said he'd be back, at the latest, by the 9th. My email invite was to something I thought he'd enjoy, and I know I would...no intention to subvert truth. Or shy away from it. Or test anyone. Or make y'all think I'm doing this dating thing badly, which many of you know I'm very good at already (dating badly, that is). Anyway, thank you for the concern. I'm not concerned...just a little lonely.

Posted by jbcardinale on 2006-06-08 13:56:23 +0000

you mean, Q's not a strange vegetarian cult!?! My kids will be so disappointed!

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-06-09 21:24:31 +0000

I know him only as The Pigeon King. No, I'm not kidding. He's a scorpio. Which, seeing as you're a pisces, might be rather saucy and enjoyable. :-)

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-12 16:16:19 +0000

Funny. I may have to meet him, then!

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-12 16:18:45 +0000

Well, he called on the morning of the 9th (got back late on the 8th). We went to lunch, then to a drum store, then hung out in a park (in his a/c'd car), where he told me he just wants to be friends...because he has a girlfriend of over 3 years! Looks like I had reason to be suspect, even if I wasn't. Maybe JDate's not for me.

Posted by tgl on 2006-06-12 16:37:38 +0000

Jerk.

Posted by dawnbixtler on 2006-06-12 17:03:58 +0000

Is JDate _for_ anyone?

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-13 12:00:41 +0000

Honestly, I know several people who it's worked for. I konw at least two married couples who met that way. I'm starting to think it's me. Might be time for therapy to fix it.

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-13 13:18:20 +0000

My shrink and I are a fan of the therapy. But in either event, maybe it's time for Goydate? Or scheduling back-to-back dates, so you don't get hung up on the one guy, who you don't know from Adam? Chin up, babe, you're one hot ticket.

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-13 13:31:47 +0000

Trolling for a nice main for Miriam... _______________________ craigslist.org Reply to: pers-167750005@craigslist.org Date: 2006-06-03, 9:55PM CDT I'm looking for a first date with an interesting woman who considers herself creative, fun, intelligent, and just a little confused about what she's doing in Nashville. I think self-confidence is the most attractive trait a woman can possess with intelligence, self-awareness, and looks all duking it out for second place. In brief, I'm a single, white, 32 year old professional, 6 foot tall, 190 pounds with a good education (grad school in Boston), Southern roots (Memphis, Tennessee), and an international outlook (a lot of living/travel/studying/work abroad). I am not currently nor have I ever been married or in jail. I have no diseases, kids, or drug habits, and hope you don't either. I don't smoke anything but I do like to drink and hope you do too. If you're still reading and are interested in meeting up for a drink or a hike or just some quality time in an art gallery, please let me know. In lieu of a picture, please let me know what book you’re reading now or what’s on your playlist, and we’ll take it from there. (But if you’ve got a picture handy . . . ) I'd like to learn more about you.

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-13 13:33:34 +0000

Wait a minute, this guy is even better. I LIVE IN HUNGARY!

Posted by tgl on 2006-06-13 13:36:03 +0000

That ad is from the Male Miriam. I can't believe that's posted on craigslist right now.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-13 13:53:36 +0000

Seriously, is that guy for real? Please reply and hook me up with him!

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-13 14:04:32 +0000

Never mind; I emailed him myself!

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-13 15:50:18 +0000

That ad is from the Male Miriam The S.N.A.G. or the guy from Hungary? Just kidding. I'm glad you emailed him Miriam. Because as you know, "when God closes one door..."

Posted by tgl on 2006-06-13 16:22:24 +0000

Jews don't believe in God.

Posted by dawnbixtler on 2006-06-13 16:32:36 +0000

Not your God anyway.

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-13 16:33:21 +0000

Who said _I_ believed in God?

Posted by dawnbixtler on 2006-06-13 16:50:35 +0000

God did. He speaks to me.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-13 16:51:20 +0000

A lot of Jews believe in God, but God's not essential to being Jewish.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-13 16:52:30 +0000

Man, I hope he's not a S.N.A.G.! Speaking of, the Dahktah was supposed to hook up with me while I'm in town, but I haven't heard from him. Oh, well. I think he may be blowing me off.

Posted by tgl on 2006-06-13 18:26:49 +0000

Everyday around 12:37pm, God says to me: "mmmm, corned beef sandwich"

Posted by pamsterdam on 2006-06-13 21:41:26 +0000

Keep us posted. He seems very promising...

Posted by G lib on 2006-06-14 10:26:19 +0000

no offense, but the doctor hasn't done anything but blow you off, M-dog. DROP HIM LIKE A HOT PATAETAH!

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-14 12:37:42 +0000

I just got a reply email from him...he's been sick all week. I feel like a duffus. He's just busy...and probably a little intimidated by me.

Posted by LP on 2006-06-15 00:00:03 +0000

I believe in the beginning stages of a relationship, you should follow your own principles, 1) because you don't know anything about the other person's principles anyway and 2) because at this stage in the relationship, you only owe it to yourself to be genuine. If something is right, it will fall out from trusting yourself. That said, there's only so much effort that should be put into a relationship before the effort is reciprocated. Otherwise, you have an imbalance from the start -- which is only inclined to grow more dramatically, and not in your favor.

Posted by Miriam on 2006-06-15 12:32:47 +0000

Well said. Thanks for that. Hopefully I'll remember that the next time I have the opportunity to use it.