Invite to a bachelor party I cannot attend
First 2 paragraphs of the invite (without alterations):
"Greetings.
For what seems almost like years he has been the standard bearer and champion of shameless, unquestioned individualism. Hard indeed would it be to select a more richeous path to avoidance of the unnatural, selfish tendencies of our species (entering into bilateral relationships of trust, care, etc) than that which he illuminated for us all. No good thing may continue forever, sadly, including (sniff) the illustrious and durable bachelorhood of our dear brother and friend Peter W. Dougherty. Rather than dwell on the doleful removal of his name from the ranks of the unclaimed, shall we not take a moment to recognize and celebrate this transition in his life? I propose that we, the friends, family, teammates, housemates, officemates and other people with email addresses I don't recognize memorialize this event with all the gusto that remains in our inexorably deteriorating bones.
It will be a Non-Salacious Gentlemen's outing, taking place entirely in New York City, on or surrounding Saturday, the 30th of May. The details are currently in progress, though the ultimate plan will no doubt be cultural, possibly involving several boroughs, almost certainly including charred meat, some form of liquor and possibly leather vests. I am not one to predict the future, but some level of man-bonding may occur."